Something happened a few weeks ago in church. I am not sure if I can fully express how funny this was, but I'll try. First, I have to go back a few more weeks in history and give you some background...
Mom and I attended a Novena (a nine day prayer service). There was a feisty little old lady, who could barely walk using her walker, also attended the Novena with her daughter. This feisty lady didn't like where her daughter chose to sit in church and she would glare at her daughter and move midway through the service. She was rather mean to those around her and especially to her Daughter, who appears to have some health problems. Every day, this feisty lady did something funny. Mom and I have a history of getting a case of the giggles in Mass, so we tried our best to keep our cool. However, one day we just couldn't. She was sitting two rows in front of us and a very solemn part of the mass she had a bout of flatulence--a very loud bout. That was the kicker. Mom and I were like junior-high-aged-girls! We told Dad about this lady and how we felt badly for her because it must have been so embarrassing!
Well, a few weeks later, Mass was packed and I saw the usher coming up the aisle with an older lady with a walker: it was the feisty old lady and her daughter. Obviously, they sat right in front of us. Before they even sat down, I whispered in Dad's ear, "That is the old lady from the Novena." We both tried to keep straight faces. We quickly noticed that this old lady is really mean to her daughter--she is very elderly and frail and needs help from her daughter, but fights her all the way. Anyway, Mass was moving along then Mom decided to pull the envelope for the collection out of her purse to pass it down the pew (she was in the center, then me, and Dad was on the end) and trouble ensued.
First, she pulled that envelope out of her purse like a fencer pulls a sword in a dual. That alone was enough to make me start laughing, but that isn't everything. A blue post-it note with Mom's grocery list flew in the air and spun down landing quietly and softly on the feisty old lady's shoulder. My jaw was dropped. By this point, Mom was hitting me with the envelope saying "What is the matter with you? Will you take this?" I decided it was best to act fast. I was directly behind the feisty lady. I tried to slowly move my hand, directly behind her so that I would be out of her peripheral vision, and grab the blue post-it note. I don't know how she saw me because I didn't touch her (it was like playing the game operation as a child); but, she saw me. She whipped her head around like a snake--I don't know how she moved so quickly! I am almost certain that she tried to bite my hand as I moved it away from her. I whispered an apology, but I doubt that she heard me. By now, Mom finally figured out what was going on. She was silent laughing out of control. Her whole face was red. I think Dad knew what was going on the whole time and he started silent laughing long before Mom did. Both of them were laughing so hard that they almost fell out of the pew. As usual, I was embarrassed and desperately trying to get them to stop laughing which made them laugh even harder. I think Mom would have left, but she couldn't get out of the pew without making even more of a scene.
Finally, we got it together. Then the family in front of us started laughing. Thank Goodness it was someone else....for once.
No comments:
Post a Comment